Are you happy?

A princess, that’s what I thought I was. Not that I was raised as one or treated like one. I believed I would be okay and respected, I would get along and have fun. Like a champagne glass, it all broke. Life broke it down for me. How little control I have over my thoughts and my life. Wind, no it was a tornado that swept me far from the direction I was heading to.

I am glad the route I am on will one day align with the way to my destination. The effort so many people made to get me going on this path has my heart and tons of gratitude. I had never thought I would be walking this path.Generations of prayers, mistakes I made and the choices I made compounded and took me here. To the way that looks pretty but bloody at the same time.

It was not pretty. It was muddy, windy and freezing but liberating. A different world awaited and I was exposed to the unfiltered rawness than the abstract ones.Everything I believed was challenged, and my values were questioned. Joined a college but got some secondary school kids as classmates. I was constantly being picked at and slowly getting over it. In a fierce jungle, a rabbit with no wall to lean on was silenced. Little did the world know the boundless things the rabbit was capable of.

Can a person’s plate be so full that he forgets his purpose and loses himself? My plate was full, full of responsibility, hope, despair, expectations, loneliness and criticism.Sobs, sighs, Taylor’s songs, tears and dances to dissipate chaos as a company at midnight.Questions that I wanted to ask and the noiseless screams inside my head. It was strange,uncertain yet wonderful.

People often check on us but rarely ask us if we are happy. And someone finally did! Tears turned to rain and sobs to screams. But the answer got lost in translation.I had never been this desperate and worried. Nevertheless, I looked forward. I found bits and pieces of myself lying in the corner. The effortless things had now become carefully woven things. Found myself making more mature choices and thinking about many things surrounding my life. Still could not leave behind the habit of sleeping in class. Transitioned From an ‘I have to’ to an ‘I get to’ mindset. Gratitude was born somewhere in between.

Life got a little easier when I started acknowledging the source of problems and stopped thinking about things that were not in my control. The future still scares me, but am ready to embrace it with my arms open and shivering feet. If I ever get lost, I hope someone holds the lamp and shows me the way with a pat on my back.

What used to be my story has now become our story. The collective effort made to make the core patchwork of the person I am becoming. I can foresee exponential growth coming my way. I am nervous as well as excited. I get the urge to give out a warning,' Don’t mess with me, world. I’m out to get mine.'